...and then it's ALL about her wedding and she turns into the BRIDEZILLA FROM HELL and everyone hates her and takes up drinking but is nice to her face because "it's her wedding" even though we all know it's not going to last, and then the bitch gets knocked up and it's all about that damn baby and then she has the thing and all she can talk about is how exhausting her life is and then she tells you about the baby's poo? This post is like that....except it's about a bike.
A few years ago, when I was still living with roommates, one of the roomies got a (kick ass) bike to commute to work, and I was a little curious, if not envious, about getting a new (kick ass) bike, but we lived in a place that didn't seem like the kind of place I would want to ride a bike, and I had an old crappy one I bought at Target 8 years ago for $70, so I just pushed down those feelings and started drinking more.
Then I got a new job and used that as an excuse to move, and got a place about 3 miles away from the new job and would bike to work when it wasn't too cold out. Except the bike I had was shit. Once I was almost overrun by an old man on rollerblades on a trail and I had to pedal the hardest I have ever pedaled in my life because I will be DAMNED if a geriatric on wheels gets the best of me.
So I started looking for a bike, at a bike store, and the weekend after I found one I liked and I was getting ready to buy I was fired from my job and had to pedal back home in the middle of the day on my shit bike.
So. I had to put the new bike thing on hold and it broke my heart and I just kinda drank a little more. But all I could talk about was how much I loved to bike, even though I wasn't doing it. And that made me sad. So I had more vodka.
So I finally got over my superstitions that looking for a bike would mean I would be fired again (ha ha! doesn't insecurity, crippling fear, and the threat of homelessness make people just crazy) and ventured back to the bike store, which I kinda hated because I hate any situation where a salesman is involved (car, computer, bike). Mostly because I have found them to be condescending instead of helpful.
This time the bike store didn't have any bikes because they were having a huge sale two days later (what?! no bikes!!!!) and I plotted and antagonized about dealing with crowds and crowds of people and stupid salesmen, but my hunger/desire/craziness for a new bike overcame all of that and I went. At the crack of effing dawn to beat the crowd. And I lucked out and got one of the bike dealer dudes who travels around and gets people's opinions of their bikes. And I was demanding, and he brought me bikes, and I rode them around, and the told him that bike was too slow, so he'd bring me another, and I'd ride it, and then complain that the gear wires were in the wrong place. This man was a saint.
And then I found the bike I wanted, the bike I loved. Except it was $150 OVER my price range. So I thankfully had the brains to ask if there was a previous model for cheaper. And there was, but it had to be ordered. Which meant no instant gratification of a bike in hand. So I ordered it, because isn't delayed gratification one of the hallmarks of adulthood? (yeah, I know, that's bullshit.) And then I went home and had some more drinks to snuff out the part of me that was screaming that I still didn't have a bike.
And then I got a call 4 days later that the bike was ready. And we have been together ever since. The end.